When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
