I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
