What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
