The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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