Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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