Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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