some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
