i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
The beer is more important than you right now.
she pinky promised me she was 18
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
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