i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
