I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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