is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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