Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
