K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
