Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
