I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
