The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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