I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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