I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
barbara walters just said penis...
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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