is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
