I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
