I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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