Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
