New invention idea: vibrating tampons
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
