Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
