If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
