ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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