I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
