I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
