bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
There's always time for handjobs
Houston, we have a blender
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
