new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
