smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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