I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
