a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
