Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
