I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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