I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We don't watch enough power rangers
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
