So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
