i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
im on a boat
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