I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
