I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
