OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
