All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
