Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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