You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
