as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
