So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I think your dad took our porno
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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