Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
