ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
