i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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