I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
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