You can't motorboat a personality
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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